Trying and changing

13 Jun

This is probably one of the more personal posts I’ve ever done, just an FYI…

I know I don’t normally do my posts so close together (well, what I consider close for myself), but it’s actually something I’m trying to change.

Trying to change.

Try. Change.

Those are two words that have held pretty heavy weights in my life thus far. I know for some it might be kind of odd to think about the “heavy” words in life, but it’s something I’ve always done – blame it on being a product of English majors?

Let’s start with “try”. I learned to read at the age of three, which I’m told is pretty early. I don’t really know how I learned to read, I just remember one day being able to read a gas station sign and from then on the rest came pretty easily. Because reading was such a natural thing for me, I figured that everything in life came that easily. Out of some stroke of luck, for many years, it did. It sounds horrible, but I never really had to try very hard through elementary and much of middle school. The work always came easily to me. In high school, if something was difficult, I would just sort of half-ass it because that’s all I knew how to do. Somehow I still ended up graduating in the top 15% of my class, and college was the real reality check. I had to try at my schoolwork, something I had no idea how to do. Needless to say, my grades these past few years have reflected my embarrassing lack of effort, and I knew something had to change.

I’ve always been a big advocate of change. I like the idea of a fresh start, a clean slate. Never mind that change also had the potential to bring hardship with it. I just ignored that part. I was always changing things when I was younger. I would rearrange my room all the time. Change my handwriting. Change my personal style. I always thought that one small change would make everything else fall into place. Of course, it never did. I kept on changing, though. I was just as impatient then as I am now. And here I am, at the beginning of yet another change, one of the biggest changes I’ve ever made.

This time I have to try to make this change work, though. I have so many goals for myself, goals that I am positive will not be achieved without effort. Effort I’m not sure I’ve ever expended. Running and more exercise in general, eating better, and just living a better life. These are things I know will make me feel better and along with that hopefully give me more confidence. But I have to try this time, and try very hard. I won’t hesitate to say that I don’t know what really trying actually feels like.

So this is going to be quite the adventure. A journey, if you will. This is going to be me trying. No more half-assing. Lucky you, I’m taking you along for the ride 😉

P.S. I changed my theme (to another default WP one, but whatever)…a small and effortless step towards these big changes, but a change no less!

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One Response to “Trying and changing”

  1. lisasfoods 06/13/2010 at 9:38 am #

    Just keep the big picture in mind, and you can make the changes you want to make. Keep with your goals – I think it’s great!

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